Love and War in Intimate Relationships : Connection, Disconnection, and Mutual Regulation in Couple Therapy

The last decade has seen extraordinary advances in our understanding of psychobiological processes that underlie emotional connection in human relationshipsÌ_advances that have major implications for the clinical treatment of couples. Here, noted clinicians Marion Solomon and Stan Tatkin offer a paradigm-changing psychobiological approach to couple therapy, which brings a new lens to the relational issues that create problems between intimate partners, offers new ways to effect change, and promises new possibilities for transformation.

Drawing from cutting-edge neurobiological and attachment research and examining the ways the brain and mind affect the dynamics of attachment, the authors explore the context of a couple’s attachment history, explaining how interactions with our early caregivers can be recreated in adult primary attachment relationships. Establishing their shared vision of intimate relationships as a locus of safety and security, they explain how key moments of emotional disconnection can spark negative cycles that take over partners’ behavior and communication, and, without intervention, destroy a relationship.

This is where the psychobiological approach conies in. Operating on the premise that couples become stuck in mutually-reinforcing patterns of behavior that limit their ability to communicate, and framing these patterns within each partner’s unique attachment history, the authors use detailed, poignant case examples to demonstrate assessment, intervention, and regulation techniques that deescalate arousal and promote connection and understanding, including an interview protocol, reenactments, and movement exercises. They also offer practical and compassionate tips for clinicians on self-care, and dealing with things that come up in sessions that may trigger a therapist’s own fraught attachment history.

The neurobiologically-grounded and sensitive approach set forth by Solomon and Tatkin in this book is sure to transform the way clinicians understand and treat couples in therapy.